People don’t understand that hoarding has roots in OCD.
One of the things I deal with is obsessive compulsive disorder and I’ve had signs of this since childhood.
It’s also hereditary. And there are major indicators that both Pam and my grandmother had OCD as well.
My grandmother was a hoarder. That is the number one indicator that she had undiagnosed OCD. I don’t think any of my cousins ever saw the upstairs of our grandparents house when we were kids. I never did. But eventually my grandfather and other members of my family had to clean the house. This was long after I was gone from the family.
Pam has something she did to me that I would not talk about for a long time because I was so ashamed.
Pam is a skin picker and I was her favorite target. She would hold me down against my will or have other people restrain me physically so she could pick at my skin. Skin picking has roots in OCD.
I’ve been extremely self-conscious because of skin picking and very ashamed of that history. But I’m finally starting to talk a little bit about it because I have my own OCD.
My OCD is rooted around the fact that I have little control over my life and I obsess about controlling anything I can. I also demand reassurances because even if I know something is a fact my brain can’t process the fact that I haven’t reassured myself that yes this is true.
Let me try to explain what I mean by demanding reassurances. For example, if we were to leave the house I might ask Ashton repeatedly did we turn off the light. Did we lock the door. Did we turn off the stove. And no matter how many times she tells me yes the house is safe I still need her to repeat that whenever I ask that because my brain can’t comprehend that she already told me.
This stuff is genetic and it’s embedded in trauma – I believe my grandmother developed OCD as a response to the Great Depression. She was hoarding money and afraid of resources because her family lost everything.
My OCD is embedded in my own trauma. My inability to not take care of myself physically so I have to control something and that’s making sure everything is okay all the time.
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